She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Randomize
