Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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