I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
third nipple confirmed
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
