he thought i was a dude.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
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funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
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