Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
