Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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