i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
