i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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