I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
