He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
