please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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