She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
There's always time for handjobs
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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