he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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