drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
not ubering you a puppy
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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