Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Randomize
