Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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