Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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