do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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