im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
