Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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