I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Randomize
