i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
