her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
