oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
