I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
We are two peas in an std pod
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
