You're my little dorito
? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
