My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
