We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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