sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
