I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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