So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
