we're blogging at a bar
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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