I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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