Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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