Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
