last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
