Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
