I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
My liver just had a heart attack.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
