The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
