Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
