they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
