He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
