remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
