Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
