Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
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whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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