My hand turned me down
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
