if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I faked an abortion last night.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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