my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
