I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Randomize
