you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
