well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I have peed in a lot of sinks
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
