so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
bring money and cleavage
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Vodka?
Forever.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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