tell your sister to shave her snatch
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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