we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
