He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
