somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
me + whiskey = a bad person
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
