You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
