I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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